With marriage/relationship advice almost everywhere you look, from the grocery store check out line to browsing the web, it’s a wonder that people are still having issues. There are stories on how to “spice up your marriage,” tips for long marriages, how to keep a man/woman, the list is endless. Yet, about half of all marriages in the states will end with divorce. I think that no one is really taking all of these lessons to heart.
In honor of the month of love about to hit us, here are some tips from what I have learned about marriage.
No one is always right in a marriage
This is for both men and women, even though women have the reputation for always winning the fights in a relationship. No matter what the disagreement, there are two sides to everything. Don’t fight to win, in fact it’s best to defuse a fight and then talk to each other when you are both calmer.
If there is a “right” person in the argument, do not put the other person down. Some time in the future you will be in the wrong and think of how you would want to be treated. Now, if you are the person in the “wrong,” just end the argument and say you’re sorry and that it may or may not happen again. Everyone in the relationship is human, I hope.
Strengthen that chemical bond
It was chemistry that brought the two of you together and it’s good old fashioned chemistry that is going to keep you together. I am talking about pair bonding brain chemicals. There are many triggers that if done everyday will make the relationship stronger and more peaceful than ever.
Walking directly toward your loved one sets off a few of these chemicals. It’s the face to face thing that does it. Touch is what keeps women looking at you with doe eyes for years to come. With men, it is the physical act of love making that sends torrents of these chemicals into his brain. Study some neuroscience and learn the tricks of pair bonding.
Married partners not going to grow at the same rate
Marriage, if done right, is a very long time spent with another human. Both people will not mature and grow at the same rate or even in the same direction. Love the person you are with for who he is, not who you want him to be. Your partner, and you, will become what the other needs in time when he can handle it. It’s a give and take.
Play hooky together
Take the day off work and spend the day together doing fun things. Eat a lunch out and not talk about kids, school, work, bills or anything else that takes away from talking about your feelings, thoughts or just joking around with each other. Ditch your responsibilities for an afternoon and act like you did when you were dating.
Forgive your spouse
Almost anything that your partner does is forgivable. Someday you may need the same thing from your spouse and love is about giving that second chance. Marriage is difficult and when stressed and feeling out of control things may happen. No hitting however. That is not as forgivable, that is a felony. Keep lines of communication open and your marriage will heal. Feelings get hurt, not killed, so feel them and talk to each other.
Spouses need to talk to each other
Tell each other your dreams, fears, past stories and hopes. Talk every night before you go to sleep and wake up and mumble things at the other person. Always listen and respond like you would like to be responded to. Don’t take offense at feelings or thoughts that differ from yours. There are two individuals in this relationship and two different points of views. Most of all, say “I love you” everyday because you never know.
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